A Trauma Response

I never thought that I suffered from trauma. I mean, I didn’t see anyone get shot… I wasn’t sexually abused and I grew up in a very loving family.

I have been bringing yoga and mindfulness to youth for the past 10 years– specifically kids who have experienced trauma and special needs. This year I took a few trauma-informed trainings that made me look more heavily into my own experience.

One training in particular sent me straight into a panic attack. It was time that I started to dig more deeply into how my anxiety disorder could cause a traumatic response.

This past year was especially difficult and brought my anxiety disorder back into FULL swing accompanied with depression. The top 5 stressors in life were on my plate all at once. If you are in the thick of dealing with crippling anxiety, here was my journey this winter: Please excuse my language: F*ck You Anxiety! 

This really made me amp up my self-care routine and look at my ‘self’-compassion’ game. I mean, I teach yoga and mindfulness– I should know all the tools right?

What I learned is that when you are in a trauma-response– which can be triggered in many different ways, it all looks the same physiologically. It takes anyone whose body and mind cannot handle the stress thrown at it. That’s a lot of people in this world!

I am a resilient person. I know this. It runs in my family. My grandmother was ‘Rosie the Riveter’ and her resilience game was IMPRESSIVE. I thought I could put myself through anything and get to the other side. This winter beat me down pretty hard and made me question EVERYTHING.

I am sharing this so that anyone who is dealing with hardship or knows someone who is can find some comfort that they are not alone. My friend sent me a quote the other day that pinpointed life so beautifully~

Yes, this heart-breaking, soul-healing, amazing, awful, ordinary life! All the feels.

I am on a ferocious mission to help equip children, specially those who have experienced trauma, with tools for stress management.

If Rosie can do it, so can I. Well, with maybe some more self-compassion on the journey :).

Thank you for reading,