My life in Denver was far from boring or simple. I had lots of places to go, so many friends to see and I was teaching lots of weekly classes while managing and growing my business.
I certainly did not live a slow paced lifestyle. I was consistently ‘go, go, go’ and did not spend time sitting still, let alone spending time on a meditation practice.
Now, a year and a half after leaving Denver and moving to Scarborough, Maine I have created this lifestyle of calm, self-care, meditation and slowing down. Everything that I dreamt of creating. And now, here I am in this moment of (almost) winter… inward gazing..reflection and serious slow down. Maine SLOWS DOWN drastically in the winter.
It triggers my anxiety. Will there be enough work? What will I do? I hope I don’t get depressed like last year… and the thoughts go on.
Yesterday when I was driving home from my co-working space, I had this thought… that I had created this simple slow life, which I love… But is it boring? Did I go from an exciting lifestyle in Denver to a boring slow-paced life in Portland?
The thought alone scared me. I’m not really sure? I asked my husband… ”Are we boring now?!”
What I am learning is that to be alone with my thoughts and not be scared of boredom is my work right now. To consciously turn off all electronics, sit on my living room floor and gaze out the window. To create some time without a plan just sitting in silence. This could be 5 minutes or 30 minutes or an hour. Just letting the mind flow and noticing what happens in these moments.
Naturally boredom will arise.
My meditation practice has allowed me to develop the skill of observing. ‘Oh, hey boredom! I see you and I know you will pass, just like clouds slowly moving through the sky.’ My meditation practice has helped me detach from feelings and thoughts. For example, I NEVER wanted to be bored. I would fill up space and time like nobodies business. I couldn’t stand the feeling of boredom. Now, I invite this in, knowing that I will be ok, and it will pass. Sitting in my discomfort and knowing that it won’t last forever has inspired a deep resiliency in who I am– mind, body and soul.
Some may say this is very boring, and a few years ago I would agree. However, I am now back on this path of self-reflection and listening to inner wisdom. It feels scary and a bit boring sometimes but I realize this is the work I need/want to do to get to my higher self.
I work to heal my anxiety disorder daily. This boredom piece is a big part of my puzzle right now. To sit with anxious thoughts. To feel the pit of my stomach feel like it is going to drop down to my feet. To be with nausea and to self-medicate naturally.
Hard. Yes. Worth it? I think so. Stay tuned 🙂